What makes this day different? I’ve asked myself the same question numerous times today. No matter what I have done today, I cannot find my way out of the oppressive fog I seem to have wound myself into. This morning, I did Albi’s English lesson early which gave him the afternoon to play with his friends, this also allowed me some time to enjoy my afternoon. Having felt pretty low since waking up, I thought I would take the opportunity to walk through town and do a little shopping in the hope it might cheer me up and feed me a spoonful of independence.
As I walked through town, I listened to my music, which is something I really miss doing. I miss coming home from work, slamming on my stereo and listening to music at whatever volume I wanted. Now I look back and think I must have been spoilt! With my headphones in, I wander with purpose through the crowds of people. Sometimes I wonder just how foreign I must look, the amount of people that watch, gaze or simply glance in my direction is a little unnerving. I feel like I have something stuck on my face, I find myself looking in shop windows at my reflection to check that I haven’t missed a bit of tomato or pasta on my cheek.
There are many things I’d love to write about regarding living in Brescia and experiencing this new country. However, 1. I wouldn’t know where to start and 2. I am not in the mood today! Non lo so, I don’t know why I burden my blog with this grumpiness, I feel like writing but not sure what exactly about.
I guess I should just come out with it, I miss home heaps. I miss friends. I miss English conversation with my family and friends. I am being sucked into a vicious circle of homesickness. I see myself doing it. However, dealing with it, I am stumbling, not knowing which way to turn or what to do in the given surroundings to help myself. I feel trapped by a language barrier! If I was in New Zealand, I would be proactive and find something to do with myself for the evenings, study or just meeting friends. I considered doing a yoga class, but how on earth am I meant to follow what’s going on if I cannot understand the lingo?
I’m not rejecting the use of Italian; I find it hard to grasp an opportunity to use my limited vocabulary. Ah. I’m just getting sick of going around in circles. The song ‘I want to break free’ by Queen comes to mind.
Okay. I think I’ve had a little moan. But, I cannot emphasise enough how much I want my big double bed, my clothes from home, chocolate ice cream from Blue, to drive!! To walk on the beach, yes even in the winter to feel my toes sink into the cold wet sand, to visit friends, to have a boring meal like baked beans on toast, to play music loud and sing all the swear words! I feel like a caged bird and I don’t know how long I can wait for someone to unlock my cage and let me free.
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